I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
