I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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