Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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