Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
