You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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