I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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