Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
