I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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