it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
