My liver just broke up with me...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize