If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
