If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
