oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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