what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
