What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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