They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Vodka?
Forever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
