I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
