he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
