yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
