hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
