just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
