Sry I called you an 8
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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