I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
