wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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