So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't deserve a penis
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
