Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
