So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would ride that face into the sunset
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
