You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
