Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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