I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize