I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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