OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
