Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
