you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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