And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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