I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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