I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
