I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
