first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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