4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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