had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
