I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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