Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
