ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
