she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
