Having a random hookup so left but love u
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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