So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
