The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
