If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
