my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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