we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
