hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
