Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
