My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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