i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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