is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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