I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
