it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
