A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
