Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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