I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
