She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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