i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
