you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
