I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
