it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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