nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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