You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
