I'm gonna have a badass scar
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
