i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is that strawberry winking at me??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
