My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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