I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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