I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
