Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
