Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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