Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
