Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
