i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
