Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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