The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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